"mir geht's gut", sagte der Clown und malte sich mit Lippenstift ein Lächeln über seine Tränen.

I had lots of scars. They healed, but there were always some wounds left. Then you came and teared them all up. Not always on purpose. Maybe by accident, but that doesn't make any difference in the end. The thing you really need is just help. A doctor who sows everything together again.... thank you for the first comment. I know this isn't going to be a highly rated blog, but I'm not going to count the followers. In fact, I can't. I haven't got any. But I don't mind. And don't you dare follow me because you feel sorry for me. No thanks.
I know this isn't a very nice topic. But it's an important topic everybody ignores
Nobody talks about it but half the world is actually effected.

My doctor told me I had depressions a year ago. A lady I knew hung herself and I never really got over it. And no, please don't tell me something like I shouldn't be sad and everyone will die or everything will be okay. I know it won't !! I sometimes just want somebody who grabs my hand and holds it until I finish crying. The weather is really nice outside and at the best of times, I wonder how I could ever be sad. But then I fall into my depressive mood again. If I think back years ago, I can recognise my behavior
It hasn't changed and maybe you'd think I'm stupid. But I'm not. I try to look sad so someone notices. But I don't really know what the matter is with me. Sometimes I hope a teacher would notice. I've also tried to hurt myself with a pair of scissors but it didn't work and I already regret it.

I think my best friend reads these texts too. I feel sorry for her, though. I don't think she knew all this for she lives a long time away from me. We met on a kids site on the internet. Our parents don't know and we're arguing a bit at the moment. Or we did. No idea. Don't ask me. It's just all a bit much for me. I like school & I spend all day there. I'm actually second-best in form but it's quite stressing although I almost only get As oder Bs (in Germany: 1s or 2s)... but I learn for  couple of subjects so it is quite tricky. I got to know my bff a couple of years ago, but I was different there. People change, and she's got no chance to see me in real. Well, I don't want to exaggerate. But I just want to make clear that I don't seem sad to people I think. But I try to make clear I'm not fine.

Thanx for reading. ♡